just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
