I got chris browned last night
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
did you just send me my own nude
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