I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
