So drunk its hurt
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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