We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Too much gin, very little bucket
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
