he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
