I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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