What a fucking waste of an outfit
she woke up with a sticky ear
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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