After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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