so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
As shirtless as possible
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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