Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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