If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
