What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
