I'm going to jail i love you
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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