There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
