Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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