did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
