I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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