Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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