i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
