evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
