i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
