FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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