If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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