Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
