why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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