Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
