Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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