I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
