Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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