I skipped work to stalk him.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
