what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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