You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
