So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
