I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
