I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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