just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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