I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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