i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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