I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm always down for nudity.
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