Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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