Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
4 words: hood of his car
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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