Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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