well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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