Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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