Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
