remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
