you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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