Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
