I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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