1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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