Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
