i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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