Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
