Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
