They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
