so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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