I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
