from now on my penis is your penis
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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