I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
