We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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