Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Your penis caused this!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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