grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Mom said you looked used
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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