I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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