they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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