I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
