We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
