The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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