Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
