Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
