2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
and she was petting her beer can
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
