She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I need to align my fucking chakras
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