shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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