If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
