This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
