I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
