where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I can tuck mytits in my pants
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
